Friday, August 01, 2008

Sad Day

Every morning I wake up and get in the bath tub. Sometime while I'm in there, Lily will come in, sit on my towel, and say, "Good Morning, Momma." I'll ask her if she slept well and if she had any dreams. Sometimes instead of coming in, she'll crack the door open and sniff loudly. When she doesn't want to take a bath, I tell her she's stinky and she doesn't want to smell bad. So she thinks it's hilarious to stick her head in the bathroom and tell me that I'm stinky.
When I get out of the bathroom, she crawls up onto the couch in exactly the same spot with whatever toy is her favorite and wants cartoons turned on. Since she's started taking her pajamas off sometime in the night, she wants to be covered up with her "special blanket that you made me." (Let me tell you, that makes all of the time I spent making it well worth it.) While I'm getting ready she gets her self all awake. She'll ask for chocolate milk (Pediasure) and sometimes she'll say she's hungry. By the time I'm ready for work, she'll be ready to play and will ask me, "What I am going to do today, Momma?" I'll tell her that Daddy will be home, or she's going to Grandma's, or that Dah is coming to stay with her.
Well, starting Monday, we've got a whole new morning routine. Lily is starting daycare. Now I know that this isn't a big deal for probably millions of people everyday in America, but for some reason, it's a HUGE deal to me. Most of the child bearing and rearing stuff I've just made a choice about and moved on. Natural childbirth? Nope, give me drugs. Breastfeeding? Absolutely. (I may have been a bit militant about this one, but it's the exception.) Organic, homemade baby food? Not at our house. Gerber will do just fine. Cloth diapers? Nope. To vaccinate or not to vaccinate? Shots for Lily, please. Now if all of those things are big deals to you, good for you. Whatever you think is best for your baby and your family, but those things didn't really matter to me. I guess I figure that Lily's life will probably not be affected by whether or not I buy Pampers. (I know about being enviromentally conscious and all of that, but you what I'm trying to say.)
I don't know why, but I've made my stand on daycare. I've been anti-daycare, in fact. (Not for your family. Really, I mean it. Do what's best for yours. I don't judge you. I understand that you have to work and someone has to keep your kids. I get it. I'm only speaking for my family.) I worked nights at Wal-mart for 9 months and didn't sleep for those 9 months so that Lily didn't have to go to daycare. Then I got a different job and Lily has gotten to stay with Daddy and Grandma and Dah ( and the babysitter for a little while.) Well, now we have to do something else. So Lily is going to daycare. (We're calling it school, but that doesn't fool me. I know it's still daycare.) The place is close to our house. It seemed really nice when we've visited. They do preschool every morning. There will be kids there for Lily to play with (She "don't like boys", though. We're working on that.) I know all of those things, and it still makes me want to cry when I think about it. I know that, despite what I've heard around my office, it's not working mothers and daycare that is ruining society (I had a talk with Bill about how those weren't ok things to say for at least the next 3 weeks, really ever. He understands.) I know that every night I will still have exactly the same amount of time I have now to teach Lily how to be a sweet little girl who loves herself and other, who thinks she's beautiful, is proud of herself and her accomplishments, and is eager to try and learn new things. But for today and tomorrow and the next few days, I'm gonna tear up when I think about it and get mad that they aren't paying me $103 a week to have the privilage of keeping my Lily pie. Say a pray for us.
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christy ross said...

I'm sad for you. I dread the day we have to do the same thing. luckily, it'll be a lot harder on you than on Lily.

Rita and Nathan Bird said...

Oh Jennifer, I am crying right now thinking about you and your sweet girl. I feel the same way you do about day care. But I know I may not have a choice regarding it either. Remember there are some really wonderful things that day care can provide to Lily. She has the opportunity to be socialized by being around children her own age and she will learn so many neat things. My best friend's little boy loves "school". He gets himself ready in the morning and is waiting for her to get ready to go. He also cries sometimes on the weekend because he misses his friends. Also, remember that this situation may not always be permanent. You, Lily, and Josh are definitely in my prayers.

ashlynn310 said...

Praying for you and your family.

Our Little Baby! said...

It is very sad at first but then you get used to it and you will be ok with it.. I will pray for you and Lily and that she loves it!!!!

Mandy Mc said...

I cannot imagine how hard this must be for YOU and Josh. I know it's got to be hard to do something you're not completely comfortable with when it concerns your child. It's obvious that this is something you've thought a lot about and I know you've taken great care to find just the right spot for Lily. I will be thinking about you guys over the next few days. Keep us posted on how Lily likes school!

Sheri said...

I know this is such a hard decision! We've been battling it for years! Finally my kids started half-day preschool last year for 3 days a week. It was really hard. Now Rachael starts K5 in 10 days and that's not as hard, b/c I've always known that's coming...but with gas prices and our health insurance going up AGAIN, we are looking at having to put Thomas in an everyday "school" also. I don't like it at all. But I would like it even less if I had to put them to bed in the back seat of our car every night b/c we couldn;t afford our house payment! I really can sympathize with what you're feeling!